..then I read on the BBC that Gordon Brown has reassured everybody today, "the UK is one of the best placed countries to deal with the potential Swine Flu Virus" and "all action necessary" will be taken to control the pandemic that may or may not happen soon.
(Doesn't he look better like this?)
But now that Brown and Co are muscling in on the act, trying to steal some newsreel thunder and hype their ailing failing New Labour caravan... and given their ability to balls up just about everything they try to meddle with... I for one am f*cking scared to death!
So if you manage to get away from these guys pointing their M4 carbines at you (equipped as here with a Rail Interface System and Trijicon ACOG 4x scopes) then catch you in 28 weeks.. or not. As the case may be.
I have been looking through the latest Crime Stats released by the Home Office today and some alarming results jump out of the myriad of tables I’ve been going through.
I’m not picking on any one particular area here but it’s immediately obvious that Humberside Police need some help. They have the lowest confidence rating among residents in addressing local issues and clearing up crimes. No wonder the local rates of ‘Violence Against The Person’ recorded in both North East Lincolnshire (essentially Grimsby, Cleethorpes and Immingham) and Hull are among the highest in the country - higher than all but one Borough of inner London - and then only just squeezing in under Tower Hamlets! Hull gained the dubious honour of top marks for Violent Crime in 2006/07.
Something else caught my attention too. If you really want to be a successful criminal a quick perusal of the Home Office report would be useful. There are two types of crime with extremely low rates of detection in England at present. First up is ‘Theft or Unauthorised Taking of a Pedal Cycle’ where detection of crimes is running at 5%. Not sure whether there’s sufficient money in cycle theft to attract the Mr. Big’s though? Second in the ‘Getting Away With It’ stakes is Theft from the Person otherwise known as good old fashioned pickpocketing. Would be Fagin’s should sleep safe tonight knowing that only 4% of the 101,660 offences reported last year were cleared up in any way - and this includes tapping the offender on the wrist and sending him home - in a taxi probably - with no tea and a stern (broad definition of the word required) Police warning. That should do the trick then?
This is a useful resource if you’re interested..
http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/rds/ia/atlas.html
(Doesn't he look better like this?)
