AND ON THE SMOOTH TIP..

  

Most of the people that read my blog will not have a clue what I'm talking about with this title.. but hey! you have to learn (at least) one new thing every day don't you? Read on.

I currently have two books in my live reading list pile - one hilarious and one very very enlightening and informative..

So to hilarity..

Touch Wood, Confessions of an Accidental Porn Director... I found this book by accident in a store in London.  Heading for lunch with a few hours to spare before my next meeting and on my own.  I read the back and it sounded brilliant - a fly on the wall, possibly spoof? docu-diary by an anonymous author.  An account of setting up a porn movie business and running around England making mistake after mistake in the process.  It was cheap enough to take a chance on so it was bought.  I opened it and couldn't stop reading and laughing - whizzing through most of the book by the time I stepped off the train home that evening.

It is hilarious, revelatory, I think probably written by someone in the business but maybe not a real porn business owner.

The thing is it seems to have hit a vein in the UK public and is selling like crazy.  I checked amazon to provide a link on this blog and they appear to have only 3 left in stock?!  For a cheap new release that is some going.  So - unashamedly - I recommend everyone who reads this to click the link and buy the book (new or second hand).  And, yes, I do get a referral fee! Not much, but it might add up to the price of my next book over time.

So, on to the much more enlightening (but also at times funny)Jeff Chang. This book is called Can't Stop Won't Stop: A History of the Hip-hop Generation. A proper account of the social/economic/political impacts of the hip hop generation.

In case you're already jumping to the all too wrong conclusion that I'm talking about rap music here. Think again! Hip hop is a culture, it is a culture that has roots way back and is far greater than the pop-rap world that most (very unfortunately) associate with the hip hop tag these days. Hip hop truly is a way of life - one that I and many of my white British friends follow in the way they live, view the world, etc as far apart as we are from the Bronx in the 80s or LA in the early 90s and certainly even further away from the diamond (diamante?) wearing bling rappers of today. Why do they wear stupid jewellery like that?

This book does concentrate on the hip hop phenomenon from a US perspective - and that's the only criticism I'd have of it - but it sets out the roots of the culture well; the interactions between the black inner city deprived neighbourhoods and Jewish middle class white boy world that is US hip hop, telling tales of some very strong minded people along the way.

Again, if you have an interest, click the link.

What was that about the smooth tip? Sorry, this does come from rap - an old phrase that people used to use instead of the more modern 'chillin' out'... (also the title of a favourite 12" vinyl of mine - a 1988 release by female rapper Sweet Tee - On The Smooth Tip) so, now you know.

I will resume my usual ranting broadcast of things that annoy me in my next blog.
  

A DAY IN THE LIFE..

Thought I'd do something slightly different today. The blog will grow by the hour (or thereabouts) as I step through today, a Wednesday, a pretty typical middle of the week day looking forward. So, here's a day in the life of.. Polko. Much for my own benefit as anybody else's. I am pretty lucky as I live in a great, quiet place, work from home with only the odd trip out to see my clients and - thanks to the global financial crisis - have a little more time on my hands than usual (given that a lot of what I do relies on the property market and funding).

08:35. Polko's cat has had his tablets, squeezed in tuna so he definitely takes them. Mrs Polko is outside letting our chickens out to free range, probably getting attacked by our cockerel who, given it is Spring, has become a bit of a nutter again. Breakfast at desk = vanilla coffee and cinnamon and raisin muffin. I may go back for a bowl of cereals. BBC News website to check how many more people have died from flu overnight (see last post!) and read about Brown & Co's latest stunt - every home in the UK to receive a leaflet about how to cut down the risk of contracting flu? hmmm. One thing did catch my eye on the news given that most holiday companies and regular airlines are being sensible and cancelling flights, etc.. British Airways, which has four flights a week to Mexico City, said it would not be cancelling any flights. Very sensible.

11:00. Started a new job file for a contract won yesterday. Responded to a few emails, most importantly to a good friend in Hungary who thinks the flu issue may have a more sinister raison d'etre - maybe just maybe the virus or at least the advice to stop international travel is related to the fact that those in power (who have recently been pocketing millions if not billions of dollars of government financial sector handouts... where has that money gone?) don't want us bumping into them as they wander the globe spending their not so hard earned new fortunes... Maybe?

Surfed the web for a new bathroom radiator - dark metal tubular model that has varied in price between £505 and £395 delivered, illustrating the power of the web to grab a keen price. Then surfed to www.edmistoncompany.com to gaze at the yachts that are still being bought, presumably by those in receipt of aforementioned government money. Another coffee just appeared on my desk, with a Pecan pastry courtesy of Mrs Polko. Nice.


12:30. Few games on Call of Duty 4 - Modern Warfare (of course). Skimmed the UK Inward Investment 2007/08 report from UKTI. Riveting. Not riveting as in engineering wise, just an interesting read. Honest. Filled out my 5 Best Rap albums on a facebook app - very hard to pick only 5 of anything but listed 1 x BDP, 1 x EPMD, 2 x Braintax and a Poor Righteous Teachers album I love. Good distribution of the types of rap I like I guess - all saying a lot more than guns and ho's ovr a bassline. I did try to list Hijack (an old South London rap crew) but couldn't as this is probably as rare as a rare thing.. but much better than anything that I've heard since 1990!

13:30. Lunch at desk - mackerel, baked potato and cheddar with a glass of water. Quickly stripped air horns off my old (as in 47 years old) car as Mrs Polko micro-baked the spuds - having a radiator re-cored and so the chance is here to take apart, clean paint and make tidy various bits at the front of the bonnet. My baby is getting there.. More surfing around. Need a funky toilet for my bathroom project and maybe one or two youtube comedy videos to lighten the lunch half hour.

15:00. A few emails sorted out, two meetings set for London in two weeks time. Interspersed with another few games of Call of Duty 4. I am clearly not in an aggressive mood today as I keep losing or winning the coveted award of least kills in the online games (usually of around 12 players). 4pm sees me finishing early today to watch the final game in the quarter final series (game 7 if you're that interested) of New York Rangers' attempt at winning the Stanley Cup. Sadly, my team (New York Islanders) didn't even make it to the playoffs - much the same as me today on COD4 they managed to come lowest of all NHL teams this year. But hey! There's always next year! Some light has started to shine at the end of the economic tunnel - HMV have been cleared to take over 15 Zavvi music stores and one of my clients has just secured funding to build some more data centres (big sheds, super-cooled, served by multiple power units, full of server racks essentially). Sadly, we don't get involved in this type of work so nothing much in it for me.

15:30. More COD4 for me. Mrs Polko is far more energetic and is cutting grass outside. First US death from swine flu is a young Mexican child on holiday apparently. All is good on our hill, clearly not so elsewhere. But, what hype this virus is gettin'!

17:30. I have a bad back at the moment and so instead of sitting for long periods in front of a TV watching ice hockey (see above) I have to get up and do something else to ensure I am not crippled when it comes time to get off the sofa. I either have a very badly strained lower back muscle or Hodgkin's Disease (which ain't nice believe me). I am sincerely hoping it's the former. So, back at desk surfing the web (again) for more information or in the blind hope of finding a website that says, if this is happening it can't be that Disease and must be something less serious. I need to book in with the doctor sort it all out for once and for all. Tomorrow. Honest. (those that know me know I hate anything to do with order, appointments and medical personnel - except sister-in-law of Polko who is a nurse and is therefore ok). Also need to sort out my expenses forms as I have been travelling a lot recently and the receipts are piling up in my in-tray and I'm owed a fair amount of money by my employer. Which is me. So, that's sort of ok then? More ice hockey in a mo'


19:00. My son's favourite team are now out of the Stanley Cup. He won't be happy - I'll text him. He won't reply. He rarely does. Even if I fund his mobile phone top-up... How quick this time has come round - especially when memories of him being 3 and taking his clothes off in Kendals Manchester, calmly sat on a sofa while I was buying some clothes seem only yesterday... Also managed to squeeze in 15 minutes of shooting outside - still hitting right of target - need to adjust my scope I think - before setting to and making some Pecorino and Mozarella Ravioli for Mrs Polko to come home from her horse riding to. Switching to kitchen computer to update the rest of today's blog.

20:00. Pasta made - a change of mind and the discovery of an old-ish avocado in the fridge has resulted in Avocado & Gorgonzola Ravioli instead. The last hour has been one of new things; Mrs Polko arrived home with some fresh goats cheese made from a friends goat's milk.. yummy, I made pasta to a random soundtrack from youtube - spurred on from my search for a Big B track called Hooligan I found a list including a band called Hed PE and their track Ordo Ab Chao - knew it was going to be good when it started with a quote "The puppetmasters create disorder, so the people will demand 'order'." and then a sample saying "President Bush come out with your hands up, you're under arrest..." Check it out by clicking here. Really not my usual cup of tea guv' what with its thrash guitar chorus (Polko is no fan of guitars - having a range of synths and massive array of Reason 4.0 Refills on the theme 'classic analog synths and drum machines!') but a strange and extremely engaging mix of latin percussion, political statements and thrash. I like. A lot. Anyway, here's Big B - big indeed!


22:00. Dinner was great - Avocado works well with Gorgonzola. Lesson of the day digested. Quite literally. Watched some TV - Victorian Farm and an hour programme about wheat farmers on BBC4 (Polko lives on a farm, so this is in the mould so to speak - although this farm is a sheep farm and not arable.. but hey! who's counting). The news is full of the upscaled Grade 5 threat of the swine flu virus, which makes me ever more suspicious of the political nature of the whole event? A good friend of Polko's has a medical degree and I had a brief text chat with him earlier in which he suggested that the only real threat at this stage is to those who are already low in immuno-reponse.. another friend of Polko is stepping on a plane to NY this Friday & I think all will be well there. Polko is also thinking a trip to US is in order to watch the remainder of the 2009 Stanley Cup in his favourite sports bar (in Santa Barbara). California is so enticing this time of year. Any time of year in fact. Oh, and in other news a great big hole has appeared in Barlow Moor Rd, a road Polko used to know well in South Manchester - see here. Which reminds me of that strange unanswered Beatles line, "how many holes does it take to fill the Albert Hall".

23:30. Watched a Newsnight special on Obama's first 100 days in office - court is still out on that one. One last glass of wine. One last game of COD4. Mrs Polko is ascending the stairs. Lava lamp is still doing its thing. Another day in the life of Polko is drawing to a close...

Hope you've enjoyed it.

no more later..

RUTHLESS (IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE)

An abstract thought, but I hope interesting nonetheless.

I was driving in a town near me the other day and kept reaching the traffic lights next to a security van. Time after time it was me and the security guards looking into each others vehicles (my car is a 4x4 so they could see me and I them). This carried on for four or five sets of lights around the ring road and I felt like they were looking at me and becoming suspicious - not that I routinely look like a gangster or ne'er do well but I had been out the night before with a friend and was unshaven and hungover so probably looked a little rough at the edges to say the least. If only they knew I was at that very moment listening to Wham's Greatest Hits in my car! I'm guessing this is hardly your average gangsters choice of music while on the job.

I got to thinking what is statistically the most significant day of the week for security vans to get done over / blagged / held up - you choose the dialect and accent depending on where your from. There must be a specific day that more vans get done over than any other? Friday's, and this was a Friday that I am speaking of, have got to be up there as a prime candidate? End of week wages blags and all that? And, taking this further, there are probably regional variations in preferred days of operation of the scumbags, preferred vehicles and methods of operation.. Now, if you could collate all that information into a database and analyse it spatially you would have a great - and profitable - line of business. Advising the security firms of when to go out, what to look for and which vans to have tagged and followed by others/Police etc?

Or, given the millions involved in this line of business, maybe this already happens?

Anyway... onto something a little lighter... as if! This week I am finally going to dig out my copy of the Ruthless Rap Assassins 1991 release Th!nk - It Ain't Illegal Yet. One of my all time favourite UK conscious rap releases, and all done in a flat in Hulme - now sadly (in a strange way?) pulled down and 'regenerated' into an entire district of Lego houses all resplendent with an array of 'To Let' or 'For Sale' signs on them, inhabited by grey students whose only act of rebellion these days is ordering the Grandé Cappuccino at Starbucks not the Regular, or perhaps sprinkling a little more cocoa powder on there than usual? These kiddies would shudder at the thought of the student squats that used to stand where mummy and daddy have bought their little box in the city, sorry I should use the term apartment. There, does that make you feel better for paying so much for it?


The link is this. The Ruthless Rap Assassins, three black kids who grew up North Hulme, Manchester in the 80s wrote some amazing lyrics about how life was getting a little duller each day, people's minds becoming numbed by everyday celebrity tat and how the US and UK governments (along with many other of their cronies) was marauding the world in the honest name of capitalism and democracy! This was 1991. This was the age of the Gulf War. Who knows what happened to Anderson, Kermit and Carson (and if you do, please get in touch as I'd personally love to buy 'em all a drink and ask them to start writing this stuff again) but their lyrics are now more salient than ever in describing the trajectory that this country has found itself on.. from the students who now live their Wi-Fi broadband-enabled Diesel-clothes-clad lives where the Assassins flat and those of others such as A Guy Called Gerald once stood to the countless hordes of suburban families in Barratt Homes feeding off a diet of cheap Tesco food, Hello! magazine, Celebrity This And That on TV and shopping centres filled from floor to ceiling with all the latest stuff you never knew you didn't want.

I'm not a Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here..

Here's a short excerpt of those lyrics written at the emergence of the 90s housing market crisis, 1st Gulf War and post-Poll Tax/Public Utility sell-offs please do take time to think, it really ain't illegal.. yet..

excerpt: Think (Hinds/Hinds), 1991

Britains in a mess because the government stinks
Does anybody care what the poor man thinks
Interest rates rising 'til they can't rise no more
You know the shit was heavy 'cos they started a war
You know who got the blame, they called him insane
But just who was it sold him the weapons and planes
The National Health's in trouble, lack of money is why
But still they spent millions sendin' people to die
Too many people scared to stand up and rebel
You listen to the government and you buy what they sell
They made the cuts and the nation bears the scars
Sold power to the people when the power was ours
And now you're an owner but something ain't right
'Cos if you don't pay your bills they still cut your light
Companies going under and the government say
To keep inflation down that's the price we have to pay
They sold shares in gas and telecon
Most people on the street couldn't get none
Worked like a slave to buy your own house
But when you heard the shout you were gettin' thrown out
Got no bread, can't afford the water
Can't meet the bills at the end of the quarter
Poverty is hell and most are on the brink
You let it happen 'cos you didn't stop and think

VERBALLY CHALLENGED

This is going to be a strange one but I'm going to start this blog about english grammar with an image of an early Jay Z release on Def Jam.. All will hopefully become clear.

I'm sure there are plenty of blogs on this very same topic, but here's my two pence worth..

I am forever being bugged by people using the wrong verb. Let me slightly correct that. Not the wrong verb, simply people getting mixed up who they are when using a verb. Let me explain.. One of my friends recently told me that they were going to learn me something.. learn, learn! It took me all my wits not to shout at the top of my irate voice, "I think you mean teach. I'm the one learning not you!"

Another mis-representation that I hear, though thankfully less often, is when people get mixed up between buying and brought'ing. Using, "I brought it from the supermarket" when you really mean you bought it there. This particular problem really is simple 10 year olds English grammar, isn't it?

Then there's my main gripe - everybody under 30 constantly (mis-)using the verb "to get" when ordering in restaurants or shops. F*ck me, do these people all think they are in Califonia or something?

"Can I get a chocolate muffin and an espresso..." "Can I get the Lasagne with garlic bread." Oh to be a waiter just for a night or work in a coffee shop for an afternoon. When asked this question I'd love to respond, "No you can't... I'm the waiter and I'll GET you it, you can HAVE it you dumbo!". In short then, people can 'get together', you can 'go and get it', 'get rid of a problem', 'get better' but you simply can't get something off a menu unless you work in the place!

Now I don't have a language degree to do the analysis with but it strikes me there's a passive/aggressive issue here too. Just think about the way in which "can i get" sounds next time you hear someone using it. It is squarely centred on the "I" and is a very possessive verb, almost aggressive when compared against the alternative, softer sounding "can/may I have". To have almost implies that somebody else has given, of their own free will so to speak. A passive, humanistic gesture if ever there was one. To get implies a taking action, regardless of whether the other person is giving of free will or not. Hmm... getting deep into liguistics here, so I'll move on.

The thing that really depresses me about this creeping change in language is that a lot of the people getting messed up over such fundamental English grammar are so called intelligent people. I have only one thing to say to these types, wake up! take the pillow from your head and put a book in it (a KRS-One line not mine) & maybe just maybe stop watching so many American sit-com's that drip feed this language deep into your psyche.

So, between the confusion over get and have, the ignorance over learning and teaching and buying and bringing.. it would seem the whole world is either verbally fucked up or just going grey and not thinking before opening their mouths? And you already know my views on that one.

Let's ponder the pervasiveness of "can I get" just one more time... Perhaps most of the people that use the term are ignorant to the fact that it is also the title of a Jay Z track, Can I Get A.. Most people who have heard it will have the chorus stuck somewhere in their sub-conscious. It goes something like.. Can I Get A What What.. I prefer the original release, true to its hip hop roots (did i just say that about Jay Z, I must book into the doctors for a check up some time soon?) as the chorus describes my exact feelings about this whole sorry grammatical mess...

The original uncensored chorus was "Can I Get A.. Fuck You."

WHILE THE CAT'S AWAY..

Now that Mini-Polko has been dropped at school for the week Polko is having a week without Mrs Polko.. Jetted off to the Canary Islands for a well earned week of sun with Sister Polko she has (well if it keeps 'em happy)..

Not quite alone, and not quite while the cat's away though.. Cat Polko is at home with me too..

Polko is however, also not really working hard this week. A Three Day Week again for me. The way it should be. So, I'm catching up on a whole heap of things I like to do. Playstation 3 online gaming (NHL'09 has just been released.. yay-hey!), mp3 sifting and sorting and re-tagging (the Nerd in Polko strikes again!), fixing up the bathroom, manning the phones, taking long breakfasts in the village coffee shop, finishing three books that are half read, mailing out 300 flyers and, last but not least, cooking up some experimental recipes for Sister Polko and Mrs Polko to try on their return. Life at Polkosville goes on much the same in the correct relaxed fashion.

Now, while we're on the subject.. I'd like to provide a quick list of some mp3's that I've been playing around with / including some bands that I've under-rated for too long..

1. Simple Minds. Just playing through New Gold Dream (one of my favourite 80s albums) but then I also selected some of their greatest hits stuff... and now I realise I really really like Waterfront as a power track. I know it might not be trendy to like this band, but damn they're good. And my first band to see live too - when they weren't famous.. so that counts for something?

2. Braintax. Pure UK consciousness. Those that know Polko know of his admiration for the lyrics this particular lad from Leeds has been pumping since 1991. Pity he's now had enough of fighting the greyness around us and slotted off to Australia to live forever and ever. Amen. I'll be following (not necessarily to the land of Wallabees however!) in 8 more September's after this very one. Nice.

3. Blancmange. Neil Arthur. Pure idiocy and pure brilliance all rolled into one songwriter. I mean, their first release was called Irene and Mavis ??? Check out What's Your Problem if you get a chance for a slice of Blancmange. Only 2 downsides to this band - they're from London (someone has to have the misfortune) and they signed to London Records (the gits who took over Factory Record's catalogue) :-)

And I will also leave you with one of life's imponderables (which in itself is a great word for any Monday?).. why do I always cut one slice of sweet potato thicker than the rest and have to leave it in the pan one minute more?

hmmm.....